Mummy Confession: I refuse to answer the question, “Were they planned?” In regards to my children and whether they were an “expected” addition to our family.
Maybe I read too much into the question, but I’d rather not ever answer the , “was [insert child’s name here] a planned baby/pregnancy?” Most especially when I am asked by total strangers. I honestly think that it is a fairly personal question, and don’t tend to ask people this one myself. This and, “Are you trying for another?” and “Did you do anything different to get a boy/girl” are high up on my “NO COMMENT” questions whenever asked.
I understand it may be an innocent question to some, and some have no issue declaring their child planned, or unplanned. I’m not questioning or judging your decision to choose to answer that question. I just choose not to answer. And, I’m not offended or shocked when I am asked that question. Quite the opposite, I appreciate your interest in my life, but I just choose to leave the answers between me and my husband.
In reality, when someone asks this, they are asking about fairly intimate details of my life, that I like to keep between my husband and myself. My response varies, but usually I wind up saying something like, “They are loved and wanted, (regardless of whether or not they were “planned”). ”
I don’t generally give out details of my intimate relationship with my husband, and I don’t expect people to tell me about theirs.
We all know where babies come from, and so it only seems right because I would prefer to have something that isn’t discussed in public- namely my intimate activities. I love having just one person to share that with, and talk about with. I cherish that staying between just the two of us.
Simple enough?
There is also the fact that the pain of infertility and miscarriage can also be involved in those questions, and I don’t want to unintentionally hurt someone with a question I could just avoid. However, I have no problem with others who want to discuss it to raise awareness, by no means am I saying that’s a bad idea. I just don’t want to be the person to bring it up and wind up asking something that someone doesn’t want to talk about, or they’re just not ready to talk.
In all fairness, wether my child was planned or not, or whether we were trying or not, does not have an effect on the love I have for my child, or the joy that overcomes me when I think about myself as a mother. Plus, all of my kids are absolutely gorgeous little people inside and out.
I was blessed with children. I still don’t believe it. They are amazing and I am constantly in awe of who they are growing to be.
What are some questions that you have been asked that are a bit too personal to answer? What was your response?
