When You’ve Been Married For Ten Years

Mummy Confession: I haven’t been married long, but I figured as I approach ten years married, I would share some of what I have learned from my marriage as well as seeing others married around me. Maybe much of it is common sense.

Don’t marry someone you can “just live with” marry someone you can’t live without. (This is my mother’s advice, and it is SO true!)

Take other people’s advice with a grain of salt, as their experience and method may not work for you and your relationship. (Even if they insist it’s the way you should do it.)

No matter what you’ve been through together, how long you’ve been together, or anything really…remember you are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. You will always be two different people from two different upbringings with different hopes, dreams, personalities, expectations, experiences, and ways to deal with everything. Always keep that in consideration when you expect the other to “just know” what’s going on, especially when you’re having a disagreement.

Communication is essential to everything. If you have a problem with your significant other or something you should resolve together, take it to your significant other FIRST and talk about how you can manage it together. If you need something done, talk about it rather than assuming they know exactly what you expect.

Don’t bring people into things that should be between just the two of you. And KNOW what those things are when you talk about them.

Put your relationship as a top priority, and INVEST in it. What you invest, you will get in return. Spend time together without the children, without others, to cultivate your relationship together.

Do not just build an island and live on it excluding all others. Obviously depending on your personality, but if either one of you is actively trying to take the other away from everyone all the time, you need to re-evaluate and TALK ABOUT IT.

Be faithful. If you have problems, talk about them, don’t go running somewhere or running away else hoping your problems will get better trying to work them out somewhere else.

If you have a disagreement, play fair and as calmly as possible. Don’t bring up the other’s shortcomings as a defence to your wrongdoings or vice versa. (No blame game.) Again, communication is key. And don’t harbour grudges. It ruins your face and your attitude…and it hurts others.  

Little things, like post-it notes around the house or a random bouquet of flowers, make a big difference.

Laugh together. Cry together. Pray together.

Learn forgiveness. Active forgiveness. Not just the “It’s okay” reaction, but forgiveness involving your heart, understanding, and active resolution and action taken to resolve what was done wrong.

What things have you learned about relationships? What would you offer as advice for the years to come?

I was often told “marriage is hard” which it does have times where it can be difficult, but if you are in it together, actively communicating and forgiving the other, it is a truly beautiful thing.

 

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